Do you ever make a text post that sounds really good in your head, so you type it out and try to get the timing right and think it’s pretty good, so you post it and then you think about all the different ways you could have made it sound better/hit the punchline harder/whatever and then you get almost get embarrassed by it and hate yourself but you leave it up in case someone, somewhere will relate to it or think it’s funny but no one ever does and THIS IS GOING TO BE ONE OF THOSE POSTS FOR ME
when my friends don’t reply to my texts in a timely manner I usually end up sending them the lyrics to third eye blind songs, line by line, until they answer me
- Breakfast with my grandpa, always a treat
- My sweet Grandma Bonnie bought me an adorable new Vera Bradley purse for Christmas and gave it to me early
- The same sweet grandma AND my father both gave me my Christmas money early
- All errands run, bills paid, feeling good about it
- Going to have dinner with my boyfriend & grandparents this evening, woot free food
- And NOW am hopping in the tub for a relaxing bath and re-reading The Hunger Games
Life is good.
Dear Fat Man Who Drowned Us In Your Rancid Farts for the Entirety of Thor 2,
I hate you. Also, your ass stinks. ALSO ALSO I hope that whatever is causing your asshole to be so very angry with you continues to cause you pain forever. I hope you shit blood. You are a gross person.
You know, when I realize I have to shit, I usually just go take a shit. I don’t sit really close to strangers and attempt to suffocate them with my toxic ass wind in a relatively enclosed space.
Might wanna check your underpants for skidmarks, bro. Smelled pretty juicy.